(excerpt from Energy Enlightenment – Do you know the wayhome?, page 83 )
I remember a dream I had in which I was being pursued by some rather nasty individuals. As things got more intense I called out to God and felt this wonderful warm blanket of protection wrap around me. I actually woke up feeling at peace, and in a contented state of mind. In another dream, I was again being pursued, and everywhere I hid, the pursuers found me. At the very end of the dream, I was exhausted and knew this was the end. Just as I was facing my pursuers and wondering how in the world I would get out of this one, Jesus strolled into the picture, looked at me, smiled, and said “I am how”. I literally woke up laughing because I realized I spent a lot of time running away when there was never really anything to run from. I don’t know much about dream interpretation, but I would venture a guess that my pursuers in both dreams were my fears.
To move out of fear-based emotions, I find it helpful to stay consciously connected with God as much as possible. This means I am in constant dialog while driving my car, eating dinner, watching a movie, and even while dreaming. This doesn’t mean I am in constant prayer mode. What I mean by this is that I stay aware of the presence of God in my life. It is sort of like a ticker tape running in the background. I stay aware of the presence of God whether I am taking a walk, shopping for groceries, talking with a friend, or performing any other daily activity. As an example, it is the same type of awareness I have of my heart. I may not constantly be thinking of my heart, yet I know it is inside me providing what my body needs.
(Chapter Five – Overcoming fear through Meditation, page 73 – 78)
Fear, I believe, is one of the major stumbling blocks stopping many us from exploring our spirituality. Fear of what others might think or say can weigh heavily on us. Fear of losing friends, not being accepted or fitting in are other types of fear that can prevent us from reaching our goal of becoming spiritually aware. Our over-active Ego Consciousness is terrific at instilling fear of not being good enough, smart enough or chaste enough. The list of judgments and fears can go on and on if we don’t stop it at some point.
Fear usually isn’t something we can explain away. I remember as a little girl, swimming was one of my favorite things to do. But now, as an adult, I am so afraid of the water I actually get nauseous when out on a boat. The idea of scuba diving is petrifying to me. I cannot even begin to understand why I have this fear. I know in my heart the fear is an illusion, but my Ego Consciousness makes it feel very real. Fear is an Ego Consciousness emotion. As I stated in Chapter Two, “I have come to realize my thoughts are what I am healing and Enlightening.” Don Miguel Ruiz has written a beautiful poem about waking from the “drama of fear,” and I’ve included it here.
Return to Life
I wakenAnd nothing is the same.For the first time,I open my eyes,These eyes of mineI long believed could seeAnd find that all I knew as trueWas nothing but a false dream.Then, like a radiant starThe Angel of DeathThe Angel of Life becameAnd transformed my dreamFrom a drama of fearTo a joyful comedy.So surprised, I ask the Angel,“Am I dead?”She replies,“Yes, for these many years,Though your heart beat on,Your mind slept in the grave of illusionUnconscious of your divinity.“Now, with heart beatingAnd body breathing,Your mind has wakened from hell.Renewed, your eyesAdmire the beauty awaiting you.“Your divine awareness wakensAll the love in your being.Hating and fearing forsaken,Gone are the guilt and the blame.Your soul forgives,Your divinity lives.”My eyes, in fascination,Stare at the Angel.Sensing the truth waking in me.
I surrender, willingly,Without condition.Humbly receivingDeath and life,To hell, I release all claimAnd with new eyes,See my eternal love…leaving.
-Beyond Fear by Mary Carroll Nelson and Don Miguel Ruiz, 1997, page x-xi
For most of this life I knowingly refused to explore my spirituality because of the fear inside me. It was important to move past my fear, whatever it was, and explore my spirituality, but it took me a while before I was successful in determining what this unknown fear was about. And without knowing what the fear was, I couldn’t move past it.
I discovered that my fear centered around my realization that my attitudes and beliefs about God and the Universe seemed so different from those of many people I knew. Most of what I felt inside didn’t come from the books I had read, the sermons I had listened to, or classes I had taken. It came from within me. This caused me to feel odd about myself, and out of place. I was afraid to explore any more for fear I would continue to find myself further and further away from the mainstream way of thinking. My need to fit in, to flow with the tide of society rules and not rock the boat was very powerful.
I remember what happened when I was studying to become a Reiki Master; many times before my next class, I would connect with Jesus through meditation or dreams, and He would teach me the concepts of healing. Our meetings would frequently take place on top of a very high mountain ledge where He would show me the vastness of the Universe and explain our connection. Many times He would tell me what I would later hear in my next class. One day I asked my Reiki Master Teacher why she thought Jesus taught me before she did. Her response was because that is where I listen best. I didn’t completely understand her response then, but I think I do now. My beliefs and attitudes about God and the Universe were coming from deep within me. When I communicated with Jesus, I listened and remembered without the Ego Consciousness being a dominate factor. When I brought my awareness back to my Ego Consciousness it was just as Don Miguel Ruiz said:
I awakenAnd nothing is the same.For the first time,I open my eyes,These eyes of mineI long believed could seeAnd find that all I knew as trueWas nothing but a false dream.
Learning from Jesus while in my Higher Consciousness allowed me to later, hear my teacher with the same awareness.
The fact that I am writing this book, and sharing my experiences and insights with all of you, confirms that I did indeed make the decision to move forward and explore my spirituality. Yes, I did lose some friends along the way. And not every member of my family supports me in my journey. But I realize now that that’s OK. My journey is true for me and I will continue to live my life, connect with God, and offer the shining light I’ve discovered to anyone who wishes to awaken.
(excerpt from Energy Enlightenment. Do you know the way home? Chapter Six – Talking to My Angels, pages 97 – 104)
……I remember a particular guided meditation in which I was walking down a path and up to a large gate. In my meditation, the path was located in what looked like a very old, small and quaint village. The buildings were made of stone and the path was a dirt road traveling through the center of town. It was always warm and sunny and people stood around watching me walk down the dusty dirt path to a set of gigantic metal gates.
It was suggested in the meditation that I visualize myself jumping up to grab the door lock so that I could unlock the gate and enter the garden beyond. Each time I would see myself jumping as high as I could but not reaching the lock. This is where the meditation would end. I was stuck. It was an interesting meditation and one would wonder why I would follow a suggestion which never led to a successful conclusion. My only answer is that there was something about it that I did not see as a failure. And my inner guidance suggested I stay with it.
About the third or fourth time I walked this path, Jesus approached me and suggested that I expand my being and simply walk over the gate. Well, that wasn’t an idea I had thought of. I suppose my Angels were waiting to see if I would figure it out for myself, and when I didn’t they came forward to offer help.
Jesus has been my friend and mentor for years, and it was wonderful when His vibration came forward in this case to help me out. That was my first experience in playing with expansion of my being. It was delightful and very helpful! Thank you, Jesus! In another instance of using this same guided meditation, I was about to approach the gates and prepare to expand, and Jesus approached me again and asked whether I was curious as to what was on either side of the gate. Well, that question had never occurred to me. For a brief moment I laughed at how maybe I wasn’t the brightest bulb in the pack. I thought about His question and followed as He directed me to the right side of the gate. To my surprise, the gates were simply an illusion that anything was blocking my path. What I saw to the right of the gates was another path that led around them with no difficulty. Once again, thank you, Jesus, for showing me the way.
I believe the purpose for my staying with the meditation was to recognize that the gates were an illusion. The gates simply represented the limitations I place on myself, and symbolized how easy it is to ignore the possibilities that are always available……….
Meditation is one of my favorite ways to talk with my Angels. It often allows me an opportunity to satisfy the human need for visual confirmation while having a conversation with my Angels. Most of the time, the conversation is unspoken which really removes a huge barrier that can be present when communicating with words. Our spoken language is quite limited in capturing all the nuances of emotion and meaning. When communicating with my Angels, I am better able to “feel” the messages as well as “hear” it in my mind.
Besides meditation, there are many ways to receive messages and guidance from Angels. Sometimes you can actually hear a voice, other times it may be an inner voice, a knowing, a visual clue or a synchronicity. I also find that my Angels will talk to me through books and, of course, in my dreams.
One thing I have found to be certain is that no matter what form divine messages and guidance are received in, those messages are always loving and make me feel good. I completely trust my Angels and know they are here to guide me. They nurture and support me and would never say or suggest anything that is not loving and kind. Admittedly I don’t always like what the Angels are saying, because the message may require me to take action or something I may not want to act upon. For instance, my Angels recently suggested I avoid caffeine which means chocolate, my favorite food of all time. The caffeine was clouding my ability to communicate with them…………………..
In contrast, when Ego Consciousness is speaking, I may often feel nervous, anxious, fearful, or judgmental. The bottom line is, Angels don’t conceive of limitations or failure. They only know success, happiness, and joy. There is no competition or rivalry between them. Their goal is to support and guide. My Angels have never suggested I do anything that would harm me or others in any way. They are practical, firm, and can be quite funny……..
My Angels showed how they can be firm yet funny when my husband and I were returning our rental car when we were vacationing overseas. We had a choice of returning the car to the train station, which was downtown and close the hotel we would be staying in, or to the Rome airport. Everyone we knew had advised us against driving downtown in Rome, saying it was difficult and confusing. But, in spite of this advice, our preference was to go downtown to the train station, since it would mean a short 10 minute cab ride back to our hotel as opposed to a 45 minute ride back from the airport.
It was raining very heavily and driving was difficult. We decided to ask the Angels to stop the rain long enough for us to get to the airport car rental agency safely. Well, it DID stop raining. However, my husband and I started getting braver about driving in downtown Rome and just as we started to discuss changing our destination to the train station it immediately started to rain again. We both laughed and said, “okay, we will go to the airport as planned.” The rain stopped immediately and we arrived at the airport car rental agency safely. No sooner had we arrived than it began raining heavily again and stayed that way for most of the evening. Later we found out for ourselves just how difficult it would have been to attempt driving in downtown Rome. Going to the airport was a much better experience, certainly safer, and without question was the course recommended by our Angels!………